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Wednesday, 26 March 2008
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
The Essence of Friendship Is Supporting Each Other In Difficult Times !
To survive is the essence of living, a sign of self appreciation and self respect that gives one the courage to draw a line in order to put a stop to discomfort and abusive situation.
Are you being victimized again? Have you ever sat and assumed that it was your fault or felt as though you were alone and no one else would care or understand what you are going through? Have you escaped abuse and feel ashamed to tell your story because you think you'll be ridiculed by others and thought of as "stupid"? Well then if you've answered yes to any of these questions, you're not alone. We fear for our lives, our safety and sanity and yet keeping it inside is never a healthy solution to such issues. Sharing your experience helps ease the burdens of keeping it all inside. Your story could help someone out there to realize that he/she is not alone and the fact that you've gone through this situation does not make you stupid, on the contrary it shows that you are human and a real person to relate to. The echo of those hurtful words hurled at you, the beatings you've received and the scars of the abuse may never go away, but knowing that you take each day as it comes and relate to others would help heal your wounds as well as help others to prevent themselves falling victims, learning from your experience gives someone out there an escape plan and route. Gain your voice back and speak out for yourselves, relieve your pains and get the weight off your shoulder because you are not alone!!! You are special and your experience has given you a story to tell, a lesson to be taught to others and your best revenge for your abusers is in your hands, wallowing in self pity means that your abuser has won but being successful sends a message to them... letting them know that you could still live on, be strong and gain a life for yourself.
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Thursday, 27 September 2007
Say No To Domestic Violence!!!
Hurtful words go a long way, it lingers and destroys one's self esteem, though the term domestic violence is often associated with women, it would be fair to acknowledge and appreciate the fact that men suffer too. Statistics has shown that whilst a proportion of 1 in 4 women fall a victim, 1 in 6 men suffer as well. Kind words would mend broken hearts and would bring light to those dull and drained emotions that have been killed through abuse. Love should not hurt! Hurling abusive words at loved ones is unacceptable.
Love is respect for each other's feelings, it involves deep tolerance and a great deal of support and encouragement. Say no to any form of abuse, standing back and doing nothing is just as bad as doing the act of abuse! Your silence would only make things worse, act now and support the fight to stop this horrible crime that has continued to affect us and yet the least punishable crime.
Monday, 2 July 2007
DUPLICITY NOW AVAILABLE!!!
Duplicity is now available, order your copy on line at www.trafford.com/bookstores;coming soon to Amazon.com; Amazon.co.uk; Amazon.fr; Amazon.ca; Barnes & Nobble Book Stores; barnesandnobble.com; chapters.indigo.ca; Wh smith book stores, Waterstone book stores, Baker and Taylor, Bowker's Books in Print in United kingdom, United States of America, Canada, and Europe.
Perfect bound, catalogue no. 06-3032, ISBN 1-4251-1273-0, US$29.99, C$34.49, EUR23.38, £15.50
Tuesday, 29 May 2007
NEWSPAPER COVERAGE
Oh... hi there, do you know that I'm now working on my new title? My head had been spinning, characters had been flooding my mind, 
as i write they begin to fall into place!Today I had my first photo shoot and interview with Bexley Extra! a newspaper with 1,009,000 readership according to JICREG database! wow, with a big smile I was photographed
I'm glad things are falling into place. Publicity for Duplicity is fantastic, makes me look forward to August when it finally comes out!
Wednesday, 9 May 2007
Duplicity, The Book Cover
Dear readers,It gives me great pleasure to display my book cover. I got so excited when I saw the front cover come to life, almost the feeling you get when you hold your baby for the first time.
Wu ho!
I have done it at last! Oh... it feels so... so good! I am now working on my new title, my second one! I must say it is a wonderful feeling finally seeing my work. Phew!
Tuesday, 1 May 2007
New Title OUT Now!!
About the book...
Title: "DUPLICITY"
Sylvia falls in love with Patrick within a few weeks of meeting him whilst taking a walk, she finds him to be very humble and sensitive as she discovers that his job is very delicate, caring for vulnerable people. His sensitive nature draws them even closer and they become inseparable. They get married and her life is filled with magical events being wined and dined. Is this real? A few months into her marriage she realizes that Patrick could face deportation unless his status is updated by the home office; and if that was not enough, there were more than just the two of them in the marriage. Madam Lucy, “the mother-in-law” is like a pain in the neck. Is she just being an over protective mum not willing to let her son go or is there more to it? Bewildered Sylvia watches her safe and happy world come apart.
Patrick finally obtains right to remain in the United Kingdom on grounds of marriage to a British citizen, suddenly a new personality emerges… the change is devastating to Sylvia who struggles to come to terms with this new man he’d become, she also discovers that he is a fully grown mummy’s boy and a sex addict. How far would he go to satisfy his addiction? Desperate for answers she starts a wild search and comes across some disturbing truth that would change her life forever. Torn by his addiction and violent outbursts, she shuts her family out and turns to her in-laws. Why? Could this be the end of her misery?
Monday, 30 April 2007
"DUPLICITY": "DUPLICITY"
Many years back I had this lovely friend who had just been married to her husband she'd dated for four years, as far as she was concerned there was nothing she did not know about the man she'd married, he was to her the most honest man on earth and she couldn't have asked for a better man. Sadly though some of us had seen her man on some occasions with different women and even though people tried to warn her, as far as she was concerned they were the enemies. By the time it got to her wedding, she barely had any friends left, she'd fallen out with anyone who'd tried to warn her about her spouses infidelity. Deception or duplicity as it may well be known has always been an issue in dysfunctional relationships, a man has an affair or series of affair and manages to fool his wife or girlfriend into thinking he is completely faithful.
Well, that is what happened with this friend, she came to visit me a year into her marriage and was outraged, a friend had told her that her husband was seeing someone else on a regular basis but as it appears she did not believe what she was told. Tell me something I hadn't already known... but yet I had to keep my nose out of her business, after all I was single and she was married, the last thing I needed was to be accused of wreaking a home.
Why is this the case? what in God's name is love? is it real?
Well, I've heard many people say that when you truly love someone, it is hard to ever see any wrong in what they do, You love them to bits and want to believe that they love you back. Wow! "A friend comes up to you and tells you that she thinks your husband is leading a double life, how dare she... what level of insanity and resentment would make someone, your so called friend to tell you such an ugly lies... lies?" she'd complained. What can I say? I stood speechless because I know that she would not want to know what I was thinking. This friend would not be the first neither would she be the last but was it my place to tell her what she'd already known? well I didn't think so. What are you so afraid of then? why are you jumpy and defensive? I wondered at least investigate otherwise you'll end up being frustrated and alone, well that was what happened. She fell out with everyone who tried to warn her and now I was the only friend she had and was now weary of her as well so after her last visit I lost contact with her. I met her at the shopping mall three years later and she looked a lot different. We went to a near by coffee shop for a quick chat. "How's your husband?" I asked tentatively. "What husband?" she barked. I looked at her finger and noticed that she was no longer wearing her wedding ring.
She caught him in bed with her neighbor and because of how engrossed they were in lovemaking or whatever the activity was called, neither one of them knew when she entered the room, she went away quietly and went shopping for a sexy nightie, that night she cooked his favorite meal and gave him the time of his life, it was no wonder he got completely worn out and she castrated her husband whilst he was asleep and flushed his manhood down the toilet just so he doesn't get it patched up. I felt sick as she told me. She had been in a mental institution for two years and had only just been discharged. She could get on with her life now but her ex lost his manhood for life.
Men or deceptive spouses, beware! When you multi date you are surely heading for destruction! one white lie leads to another and before you realize it a large web of lies is knitted around you. You've been getting away with your lies too many times that you begin to assume that you are a genius and then things get out of control and that is when the insanity begins. Duplicity could destroy you. It is a fact that hell knows no fury like the rage of a woman who has been betrayed. Driven to the state of insanity, this friend castrated her lying, cheating husband and even though it was a horrible thing to do, the fact is that he brought it upon himself, now I bet he doesn't feel that cool about himself; so you see, duplicity does destroy lives on the long run.
Well, that is what happened with this friend, she came to visit me a year into her marriage and was outraged, a friend had told her that her husband was seeing someone else on a regular basis but as it appears she did not believe what she was told. Tell me something I hadn't already known... but yet I had to keep my nose out of her business, after all I was single and she was married, the last thing I needed was to be accused of wreaking a home.
Why is this the case? what in God's name is love? is it real?
Well, I've heard many people say that when you truly love someone, it is hard to ever see any wrong in what they do, You love them to bits and want to believe that they love you back. Wow! "A friend comes up to you and tells you that she thinks your husband is leading a double life, how dare she... what level of insanity and resentment would make someone, your so called friend to tell you such an ugly lies... lies?" she'd complained. What can I say? I stood speechless because I know that she would not want to know what I was thinking. This friend would not be the first neither would she be the last but was it my place to tell her what she'd already known? well I didn't think so. What are you so afraid of then? why are you jumpy and defensive? I wondered at least investigate otherwise you'll end up being frustrated and alone, well that was what happened. She fell out with everyone who tried to warn her and now I was the only friend she had and was now weary of her as well so after her last visit I lost contact with her. I met her at the shopping mall three years later and she looked a lot different. We went to a near by coffee shop for a quick chat. "How's your husband?" I asked tentatively. "What husband?" she barked. I looked at her finger and noticed that she was no longer wearing her wedding ring.
She caught him in bed with her neighbor and because of how engrossed they were in lovemaking or whatever the activity was called, neither one of them knew when she entered the room, she went away quietly and went shopping for a sexy nightie, that night she cooked his favorite meal and gave him the time of his life, it was no wonder he got completely worn out and she castrated her husband whilst he was asleep and flushed his manhood down the toilet just so he doesn't get it patched up. I felt sick as she told me. She had been in a mental institution for two years and had only just been discharged. She could get on with her life now but her ex lost his manhood for life.
Men or deceptive spouses, beware! When you multi date you are surely heading for destruction! one white lie leads to another and before you realize it a large web of lies is knitted around you. You've been getting away with your lies too many times that you begin to assume that you are a genius and then things get out of control and that is when the insanity begins. Duplicity could destroy you. It is a fact that hell knows no fury like the rage of a woman who has been betrayed. Driven to the state of insanity, this friend castrated her lying, cheating husband and even though it was a horrible thing to do, the fact is that he brought it upon himself, now I bet he doesn't feel that cool about himself; so you see, duplicity does destroy lives on the long run.
Friday, 27 April 2007
Dealing With Abusive Relationships
Unveiling The Mind of Abused Women
It is all my fault!
Women often blame themselves when they get beaten up by their men, if only I'd listen to what he wanted, if only I hadn't talked back, I provoked him; she'll say and just to confirm her assumptions he'll say "You made me do it... you know that I am not like that, I'll never do anything to hurt you, I love you" she breaks down in tears because he's said exactly what she wanted to hear. Admitting her fault, biting down on her lower lip that is now bloody from the slap; she nods in agreement and with his arms wide open he continues to outline her fault "you know I'll never hit a woman, it would never happen again" she runs into it to be comforted. He still loves me, I provoked him!! I'm such a stupid cow, I must improve my behavior to make him love me even more. She convinces herself.
He Controls Your Money!!
Control is always the main issue with violence, abuse and intimidation. You work and earn but do not have control over your own money. He has unlimited access to your account, he knows your password, pin number and monitors how much goes out of your account but you are content because you assume that he deserves to know everything about you. Why then do you not know anything about him, his money, his ambition and fears? Dare I ask... have you been bold enough to confront your partner about money issue? Had he given you the kind of answer you were expecting. Do you even know how much he earns or dare to ask what he does with his money or the money he takes out of your account? I DON'T THINK SO!!! but because you love him too much, you don't see this as a fault and it may never even cross your mind to ask and when you do, you would get beaten up anyway, so you find that you cannot win. It is cruel to go through such pain. You have to ask for permission to access your money and give account of every penny you spend. Your money is his money but his money is his money he believes and that is the logic behind his behavior.
He Cheats On You!!
You find out and dare to confront him about it
"How dare you!!!" he snares charging at you "You should be lucky that I'm still with you, do you know how many women there are out there lining up to be in your shoes?" You get a slap, a kick or worse just for standing up for your right. He storms into the room to pack some things and then just before he leaves he says "Just look at yourself, do you really think you would get anyone like me? You are so... so ugly, fat useless cow. Find something to do instead of listening to useless gossip, the house is a great mess, clean it up... idiot" and with that he storms out. He is seen in town with this other woman but when friends contact you with the news you don't want to know, you may even take out your frustration on them. He disappears for days or even weeks and then shows up acting as though nothing had happened. You continue to fuss over him just to keep with you. At this point you have no self esteem left, you're slim but he says you are fat and so you start to starve yourself to become the sort of woman he likes but he takes no notice and continues to criticize you. Nothing you do pleases him, he doesn't want you but would not let you go. You are too scared to try to leave and would actually not want friends and family to know anything about the abuse, the last thing you want is for your friends to pity you because it drives you further down. You change your hair, make yourself up when he's around, cook his favorite foods, try everything within your power, still no change.
But why did we have to put up with all that nonsense?
Fear? Love? The giving nature that makes it difficult to say NO! are characteristics that many victims of domestic violence have in common. Many women like me would hold on to their man no matter what, the need for a perfect life makes it all the more difficult for them to open up, then there is the shame of being identified as a victim then the worry of what people would think of them. Sweeping everything under the carpet, they conceal the bruises with foundation and high collar clothes and walk around with big smiles on their faces when in public because they want people outside their marriage to see them as a perfect family.
It is all my fault!
Women often blame themselves when they get beaten up by their men, if only I'd listen to what he wanted, if only I hadn't talked back, I provoked him; she'll say and just to confirm her assumptions he'll say "You made me do it... you know that I am not like that, I'll never do anything to hurt you, I love you" she breaks down in tears because he's said exactly what she wanted to hear. Admitting her fault, biting down on her lower lip that is now bloody from the slap; she nods in agreement and with his arms wide open he continues to outline her fault "you know I'll never hit a woman, it would never happen again" she runs into it to be comforted. He still loves me, I provoked him!! I'm such a stupid cow, I must improve my behavior to make him love me even more. She convinces herself.
He Controls Your Money!!
Control is always the main issue with violence, abuse and intimidation. You work and earn but do not have control over your own money. He has unlimited access to your account, he knows your password, pin number and monitors how much goes out of your account but you are content because you assume that he deserves to know everything about you. Why then do you not know anything about him, his money, his ambition and fears? Dare I ask... have you been bold enough to confront your partner about money issue? Had he given you the kind of answer you were expecting. Do you even know how much he earns or dare to ask what he does with his money or the money he takes out of your account? I DON'T THINK SO!!! but because you love him too much, you don't see this as a fault and it may never even cross your mind to ask and when you do, you would get beaten up anyway, so you find that you cannot win. It is cruel to go through such pain. You have to ask for permission to access your money and give account of every penny you spend. Your money is his money but his money is his money he believes and that is the logic behind his behavior.
He Cheats On You!!
You find out and dare to confront him about it
"How dare you!!!" he snares charging at you "You should be lucky that I'm still with you, do you know how many women there are out there lining up to be in your shoes?" You get a slap, a kick or worse just for standing up for your right. He storms into the room to pack some things and then just before he leaves he says "Just look at yourself, do you really think you would get anyone like me? You are so... so ugly, fat useless cow. Find something to do instead of listening to useless gossip, the house is a great mess, clean it up... idiot" and with that he storms out. He is seen in town with this other woman but when friends contact you with the news you don't want to know, you may even take out your frustration on them. He disappears for days or even weeks and then shows up acting as though nothing had happened. You continue to fuss over him just to keep with you. At this point you have no self esteem left, you're slim but he says you are fat and so you start to starve yourself to become the sort of woman he likes but he takes no notice and continues to criticize you. Nothing you do pleases him, he doesn't want you but would not let you go. You are too scared to try to leave and would actually not want friends and family to know anything about the abuse, the last thing you want is for your friends to pity you because it drives you further down. You change your hair, make yourself up when he's around, cook his favorite foods, try everything within your power, still no change.
But why did we have to put up with all that nonsense?
Fear? Love? The giving nature that makes it difficult to say NO! are characteristics that many victims of domestic violence have in common. Many women like me would hold on to their man no matter what, the need for a perfect life makes it all the more difficult for them to open up, then there is the shame of being identified as a victim then the worry of what people would think of them. Sweeping everything under the carpet, they conceal the bruises with foundation and high collar clothes and walk around with big smiles on their faces when in public because they want people outside their marriage to see them as a perfect family.
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